validvictorian's Journal

what i am to you
At work again, feeling better today. I spent the morning preparing for my exam at 4 today. I'm not too concerened, I'll just be glad to get out of work. Typing lists for 3 + hours wears on you after awhile.

The weather is amazing today, perfect moped riding weather :) I'm so glad to have my moped back, it's such a nice break between classes.

Midterms. The best thing? This semester is halfway over, only two to go. I look forward to meeting with one of the human factors advisors after break so she can recommend some classes to me. I shall be free.

Current Music: Damien Rice - O

restless
This next week is going to big, and the following week even bigger. When I know something is coming, something that I know will be emotional, either postive or negative, I tend to go a little crazy with the emotions in advance.

This week I have two exams, criminology and drug/alcohol abuse. Drug/alcohol shouldn't be too bad but criminology is going to be tough. I should be thinking about my exams but I have so many mixed feelings concerning spring break that I don't have enough left to thing about silly tests.

I'm excited to go to New Orleans, I think it will be an amazing experience, but I also realize that this will probably the scariest thing I've ever done. I'll basically be on my own, in a part of the country that is unfamilar, full of destruction and politics. I learned yesterday that the tent city we will be staying in is protected by the national guard, which brings some comfort, but also makes me wonder why an area filled with volunteers would need military protection.

I feel like I'm diving into the news stories. We will be working in St. Bernard's Parish, the area hit the hardest by hurricane. Megan and I saw a news story last week about a nursing home there that refused to evacuate and in which about 30 residents died. I'm nervous, excited, scared.

I'll also won't be seeing Steve for a week which is acutally probably the longest time I've gone without seeing him. I think i'll be fine once we are apart, but leaving him won't be easy.

I'm also feeling restless because we dont' leave til Sunday night, which means I'll have friday and saturday AND sunday to increase my worrying. I'm going to see if Antje can go shopping with me on Saturday or something so I'm not sitting around thinking about everything.

Back to work.

Current Mood: anxious
Current Music: whatever pandora dishes out

spring semester
Today began spring semester 2006. I offically have 3 semesters left in my undergraduate career and its kinda of exciting :)

This semester I'm taking my lab again as well as drug and alcohol abuse, criminology, human factors, and primates. It's going to be a lot of time spent in class but I don't anticipate having a lot of homework. It may be difficult balancing both labs though.

My first three classes went well today..I don't think they are going to be too bad, but criminology may pose a challenge.

I'm hoping that Human Factors really interests me because that is my new grad school fad, although this time I'm really hoping its my last fad.

In other news, a plan is in the works to go to Minnesota for an away hockey game. I hope it all works out because that would be sooo much fun :) Antje may be going with me and the guys or possibly dt. I think me and Steve are going to get our own hotel room so I don't have to sleep with all the smelly boys...only one smelly one.

I'm hoping that tomorrow I can get a good first rough draft of my project proposal finished so I can send it to Brad for proof reading. AND tomorrow is GET BUFF day at the SERF with steve. w00t w00t

gnight internet

Current Mood: sleepy

fumbling and tumbling
These last few days I have felt such a flurry of emotions..more than I thought possible, really. Relief knowing that my cat would be alright..a few days later finding out that she needs to put down, so that sadness mixed with birthday excitment. a walk that evening gave me some perspective for at least awhile. then last night, anger, and feelings of being let down, drunkness, tiredness. and now i'm here at work, not looking forward to a meeting i'm going to. knowing that as i'm sitting here, chloe could be at the vet getting put down. while i type away and feel inferior during a lab meeting. tired. i have a feeling i'll be tired for awhile.

Current Mood: too many
Current Music: pandora is my friend

thinking
Sometimes when you know someone on an alternate level, you forget who they are. You tend to forget they are a person. They take on a role in direct relation to you. You forget that your mom is Monica and that your boyfriend is someone that you used to get nervous around. Sometimes it takes a look in their face, in their eyes, to realize that they are a person, in existance without you.

Instead of your significant other, he is significantly himself.

Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: 50 cent

Strechy strech strech
My back doesn't seem to be in the right place today, I feel a little bit like I'm leaning to the left...maybe to many pony rides today.

The ranch has been pretty awesome lately. It's rough as always but I've noticed that I keep focused on trying to get my 40 hours in instead of dreading going to work all week that it's not that bad. I think my body is finally getting used to the whole thing.

Tomorrow I have off so I'm going to gather up all my college stuff and really start packing it. I think me mom and kels are going to go to Target and the grocery store tomorrow to get a ton of food and bathroom stuff. I was going to buy it up in Madison but I figure it'd be a bit easier to get it at home instead of attempting to drive around Madison with a trailer...I'm sure that'll be interesting anyways, because the area in which i'm moving in is a rather tight squeeze, I guess we'll just see what happens though. I'm sure that whole week will be pretty chaotic in Madison.

There are about only 9 more days that I can possibly work at the ranch. I can't believe school is just around the corner, I'm really excited but I know I'm going to miss the ranch, the herd of about 50 is going to be reduced to 30ish by the end of the season so that's kind of hanging in my head. Hercules, the horse I've been riding for many weeks now will most definetly be sold. I just hope he goes to a good home, he's got an attitude, but he really is a nice horse, so smart. <3 <3

Well, this talk of school has got me thinking about finding a job up at school, better check out the site again.

Current Mood: stuck
Current Music: Evanescence

tanning lotion
Eh, my wrists smell like tanning lotion despite the tropical scented lotion I bathed myself in after my shower this morning. It was a bit cloudly all weekend so I didn't soak up all the sun that I had hoped to.

The weekend was fabulous though despite the rain clouds. Saturday night Steve came over and we hung out and then we went midnight bowling with Pete?!?! and Brad. Even though I averaged my usually fabulous bowling score the men were on their game and beat me every game. :P

Sunday night Steve's family came over to watch the Tichigan fireworks on the lake. I <3 the fireworks over the lake, probably one of my most favorite things about living here, we have VIP passes to a fireworks spectacular.

And finally, yesterday, the 4th started with the grand ole Waterford parade. Kelsey played in the band, there were a few rain drops, and my mom yelled to a to a complete stranger in the parade "I think your tractor's sexy" :) We went tubing and swimming in the afternoon. The lake was warmer than the water so although it was chilly while we were on the boat, the water was totally grand. And lastly, the perfect holiday weekend ended in Burlington with Steve's family watching the fireworks in the park. It was a really cool experience because despite all the trees, almost all the fireworks were perfectly visible, they stayed inbetween the trees for us. We were really close to where they were shooting them off, probably the closest I've ever been to fireworks, needless to say they looked massive and beautiful. When we got back to steve's we played with our own fireworks and with the kitties (not together though) :P

Happy birthday america.

Everywhere.
I feel like my mind got shattered today. Nothing dramatic happened but I just seem like my thoughts/emotions are everywhere.

I spent the ride home from the ranch today contemplating the relationships between my coworkers. I just find it amazing how much trash talking goes on behinds others backs. I truly wonder if people are aware of how they sound or how they may affect others opinions of a coworker. UGH.

Others emotions seem to be rubbing off on me, specifically my families and thats got me absolutely crazy. I'll be feeling okay and then someone snaps at me and I'm pissed for the rest of the day. I try to be positive but it's like I absorb others moods. Kels had friends over tonight and I was just completely angry that they were here, that they were in the kitchen, that they were talking.

Lastly, I miss Steve a lot, I need some sanity. I'm so glad I'm going to go see him Friday. I think if I can just get through tomorrow without falling apart that everything will be okay.

So I'm confused, annoyed, angry, and lonely. wow, i love being a woman.

Current Mood: too many
Current Music: Kelly Clarkson

waiting to vaccuum
Today was the official cleaning day of the house, and might I say my keyboard is looking rather sparkly.

Bathrooms are done, now I'm just waiting for the vacuum. Yes, an exciting day it is. I redecorated my vanity that's usually covered in candles with my horse statues and might I say it looks quite nice.

Tonight I'm hanging out with the girls, well, two of them, Kristin and Rachel. We haven't visited scoopie in awhile and thought it was necessary to steal some custard (yes steve, not ice cream) from him.

Also, I have great news about Pony Day. I don't have to go in til 11:30 and my friends are the first trail and I get to leave right after that. WIN! Then next week starts the full time so M-W I start at 12 and T-F I start at 8:30 and for some miraculous reason I don't work the weekend! :D I'll probably go to Madison again next weekend then to perhaps shop for school things. I'd go this weekend but I don't yet feel prepared to spend lots of money and I'm not sure we have a compete list of what we need for next year. I think it's snack time...

Current Mood: artistic
Current Music: birds outside :p

Kitties on Crack
It's chilly outside today, windy and 63 which is a lovely contrast to the 90s weather we had all week. Nothing like sweating as soon as you crack open the door.

It's been a lazy, but peaceful week so far, working a couple days, and last weekend was spent in Ohio at Steve's family reunion. Although his mom thought I felt otherwise regarding the whole trip, I did enjoy meeting his family, they seemed a little more sane than mine, but not nearly as fun ;)

While we were at Steve's Uncle's house his Grandma's sister brought out some old documents in glass frames. After his cousin translated them (they were in French and Greek) we determined that they were papers to leave Greece. Many years ago Macedonia was split up into Greece, Yugoslavia, and Bulgaria, and his great grandparents lived in the area that is now Greece. In 2000 a few of his relatives went back to the down the great grandparents grew up in and found where they used to live, which is now nothing more than a broken down stone house. It was really incredible to watch the video. But it must have been rough for his grandma and her siblings. They were orphaned at a young age, found each other when they were older, made this huge journey into their past only to discover that it's now broken stones.

And now it's Wednesday. Erin is at school, Kelsey is still sleeping, Dad is at work, and Mom is with grandpa. He's still in the hospital, or rather, he has once again returned to the hospital. After being sent to the nursing home for IV treatments after his broken hip was healed, he started having phsyicatric problems. I hope he comes back to us soon, he's too strong of a person to go out not knowing who he is. Although I admit that it would be interesting to hear him talk about things that happened in his past since he's such a private person. My mom said he was talking about marrying grandma and the war.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________

Today I need to go through my college things so I know what to purchase for my apartment next year with Megan. Then Friday I'll be heading up to Madison to hang out with the men, followed by the official PONY DAY on Sunday. Then the ranch goes full time.

Here's to summer.

Current Mood: optimistic
Current Music: Garden State Soundtrack

Gatorade and Raspberry Rum...
Well, it's the last weekend here of my excellent year as a sophomore. But before I get all nostalgic, i must report on the slipknot concert..

April 30, 2005 - SLIPKNOT

Slipknot was absolutely awesome. I can't get over how fantastic concert are, I was trying to explain it to the supervisor at Carson's and he just didn't get it. There is so much energy there...so much excitement that you can't control yourself and you just get swept up in the movement. I have quite a few bruises on my leg, but I didn't notice them when I got them. I fell once which was pretty scary and when Steve pulled me up I felt like I was going to have a panic attack or something, but it was more of a rush than anything. Also, one of the major highlights of the concert was an awesome drum solo that included the drummer being lifted up along with his drum set, tilted, and then spun in circles..crazy. Brian went to the concert too with me and Steve. Afterwards we chilled and got bagels the next morning. YUM!

And then the next day, May 1, was the Psi Chi initiation. It was pretty nice. Steve, mom and dad all went and we got to eat cake! I mean, we got to hear intriguing speeches and i received a certificate.

Then this week was the last week of class...

And last night, Steve and I went to tutto pasta to celebrate our 3 year anniversary. It's kinda crazy that's it's been that long, but things are good for the most part so I am happy. :)

And alas, it's Saturday and tomorrow beings finals week. I don't have exams until Thursday and Friday but Megan starts tomorrow. Oh yes, side note, Megan and Nick are taking a break for the summer.

OH! And my IP project is totally done! Yippie skippy!
So this week I'm going be working, studying, getting a massage and having dinner with shannon and antje on tuesday :) and basically just chilling.

Tomorrow night is finish off the rum night. woo!

And Friday I'm going home!

That's my past and future...signing off.

Current Mood: (not feelings too hot)
Current Music: Groovesalad

Jamie Ann Lapin's Aliases
Your movie star name: Pineapple Walter
Your fashion designer name is Jamie Paris
Your socialite name is Stitch Madison
Your fly girl / guy name is J Lap
Your detective name is Pony Waterford Union High School
Your barfly name is Granolabar Jagerbomb
Your soap opera name is Ann Shirewood Farms
Your rock star name is Starburst Racehorse
Your Star Wars name is Jamchl Lap
Your punk rock band name is The Spunky Pumpkin

2nd to last real monday this semester EVER
Right...

I'm in a weird sort of mood today that seemed to have started this weekend. Sometimes I think that I just don't get this whole dating thing. It's seriously that somedays I'm totally infatuated with Steve and i'm like Yes, this is the guy i want to be with for the rest of my life. And other days I get so upset with him, that'd i'm like wtf, why am I dating him?

The whole thing is just completely confusing. I've come to realize I usually get this way when I can't talk to him or see him. I think the reason why I get this way is because I feel like he isn't trying, like he isn't making any effort to see me. Does he want to see me after he has been gone for the weekend? Doesn't he want to call me at night? I just hope I'm not fooling myself.

Moving on from the venting.

There are two more weeks of classes and one week of finals left. YAY! My first day at the ranch is the 21st of may and I'm acutally pretty excited about it. Shelly says I won't be so excited about it when we're about half way through the summer.

I'm also almost done with Carson's. The job search for next fall isn't going to well though, I suppose if I check periodically in the summer something is bound to open up.

This last weekend was awesome, my family came up for the UW band concert which totally rocked and then saturday, heather, ben and heather's roommate came up to visit and we had a totally awesome time. Mmmmmm cherry cobbler :D

Alas, it is time to get pretty for school, peer revising for IP today followed by the last day of 5 days of work in a row. :)

Current Mood: confused

w00t w00t
Spring break.

Music to my ears...except for the few clarinets that keep squeaking (aka homework).

My mom picked up me and Steve on time but due to my frantic last minute burdens we left a bit later than I wanted to. I had to stay at carson's for an extra half hour because the lunch shift was the last time we were going to be open for spring break so that was a bit hectic. Then I had to run to memorial library and the social sciences library to copy some articles for my IP (which I still haven't picked a topic for yet). So I ended up getting back to the dorm at about 3, my mom was waiting and I still had to pack. No big deal though really, we got back safe and sound.

In other news, i took zuma to work this morning which was quite a challenge for he was COMPLETELY buried in the snow! It was quite a battle to free him. The weird thing was that I noticed when I got to work the spot where my backpack was was all wet. I figured I had set my backpack down somewhere. It actually wasn't until I arrived at the library after work that I realized my the books in my bag were a little wet. Upon further investigation I noticed that the lid of my water bottle was definitely not preforming it's normal function. w00t w00t riot.

So now I'm home, happy to be here with my family, friends and the crazy pup.

Until we meet again.

Current Mood: calm
Current Music: Humming garden state

wednesday is green beans
I feel like I should get on some sort of normal sleep schedule. Like back to going to bed at midnight. It's not that I'm really busy this week and can't sleep.. I just get distracted.

Only one class today, w00t! (And I had only one yesterday because there is no lab this week and Rogers was sick) :)

Also yesterday I got accepted into Psi Chi - the national honors society for psych majors. I liked how in the letter it's like good job you got accepted, now give us 50 bucks and sign up to work at this research conference. :p

This friday marks the beginning of spring break. Yay!

So after class,laundry, meetings with ta and prof for experimental, psycho meeting, ponies, sleeping, class, oc, work, and work it'll be time to go home! :)

I think Kate, Megan, and I are going to go up to Michigan during spring break to stay in Kate's cabin. I'm pretty sure Megan and Kate just want to go so that can laugh at me when I freak out from being without internet and without electricity. Time to get pretty for my discussion this morning.

Current Mood: tired
Current Music: Shhh, Megan is sleeping

Dead man in the math building
I read the subject of this entry in the paper today, I don't usually read the paper on Mondays or Wednesdays because I only have one class in the psych building and thus don't need something to tease my mind with between classes. But today, I looked..and on the front page "Dead body found in Van Vleck".

No info yet to who it was, I wonder if he worked for the school. It just seemed so tragic..to die at 66 in a bathroom. I wonder what he was thinking while he was in there.

I'm not sure how I can transition that story to how my day went today. I don't think I can. Love the little things in life..it's unpredictable.

Some of the little things in life that I loved today were the music i listened to before i started my day, joking with sup at work about changing where the gloves are located, and having lunch with a certain hott boy. And even though i totally owned myself by doing step class and yoga tonight, I love that on Monday's I have the time to exercise aka fall off all of the step block.

<3 to all

Current Mood: complacent
Current Music: Azure Ray

We live in a beatiful world
Hellllllo weekend!

Zuma and I just got back from a great adventure. We went to get a transcript and then turn in my application for Psi Chi (the Psychology National Honors Society). Then since it's slightly warm we decided to go for an adventure and explore! I took Orchard Street for a long way and went through a ridiculous amount of rural neighborhoods. Eventually we came to a zoo! We then wandered around for a while more and began to fear that we might be a little lost. But alas, Zuma quickly noticed we were once again passing Regent St. which meant campus was close. It was a treacherous journey full of one way streets and stop signs but thanks to my quick wits and zuma's good looks we made it back safe and sound. :)

And now it is officially the weekend, no more work, no more nothin till Monday. Tonight hockey will be on so me and stevey j are gonna watch that. w00t! I think that quite a bit of healing needs to happen this weekend, between paintball and riding my body is getting a little angry.

Then tomorrow I'm chillin with Kate and Megan all day. Sleeping in, maybe a little shopping and food, definitely some chick flicks and raspberry rum.

And next weekend is Hockey at the Alliant Energy Center and the next spring break! :D

Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: Garden State Soundtrack

Champagne Supernova
Well, after getting a request from an anonymous friend, (I'm guessing rachel) :p I decided I should probably update my journal. Things have been so insane lately that I just haven't found the time.

Classes are going pretty great, I was getting a bit stressed over some papers that are due Tuesday but I only have like one section left in one of them to do plus proofreading, turns out you win when you actually focus.

/me shrugs

/me ponders witch craft

So anyways, I can't wait for this weekend to start because it is going to roxxors my soxxors off. Tonight Viper is coming down?/up? uh I guess up from Purdue so it goes without saying that tonight is going to consist of poker and wasting. Then tomorrow I'm going to play paintball for the first time, if I don't cry it should be a lot of fun. :p AND tomorrow Heather and Ben are coming to visit and spending the night. YAY! I hope they are going to want to go see "Hitch" with me because I rly want to see it. Wow, I know, this is quite the exciting entry..almost as exciting as cleaning a wall, yea, did that at work today.

Carson's is becoming such a joke..today I learned that I cook bacon wrong, I take bacon out of the oven wrong and I wipe counters wrong. I'm at the point where I just have to smile and laugh at the supervisors because the bodies were starting to pile up.

Time to balance my check book! Who asked for this update? Goodness. <3

Current Mood: hopeful
Current Music: Oasis - Champagne Supernova

i won't let this build up inside of me
I bring you my entry tonight from a land far, far away (aka Steve's apartment).

Today I learned of the beauty of a midday slumber. I only had one class this morning, but a nap was definitely in order by the time afternoon rolled around. It was great except that I may have fallen out of my loft when my alarm went off because I had to book it to get to my lab meeting. The meeting today was surprisingly interesting. Newman is very intellectual and likes to slyly tell people they are wrong which tends to make me smile. I've noticed other professors tend to say "you have right idea" or something along those lines, but Newman says in a very sophisticated manner that you are wrong. The lab last week was amusing because we each went around and said something about ourselves and like 3 people said that they wanted to be profilers. He tore that down pretty fast. :)

But back to falling out of bed..

I also fell off the bus today somehow. But nothing tops the other day when i fell on the sidewalk walking to psych. I was watching a car pull over to the side of the road and down I went, bloodied up my knee, tore my pants and all. :) Smoooooooth. Steve attacked me with the hydrogen peroxide tonight though so hopefully it'll start getting better.

We went to Charlie's tonight for dinner, a place with sammiches and that was pretty good but also quite expensive and then we just HAD to watch American Idol. It's pretty lame, i admit, but it is also amusing.

And now I find myself on Steve's laptop while he plays world of warcraft. I don't mean to get upset when he plays, but like I told him, it's hard for me when I look forward to seeing him for a couple days and he alls he wants to do is play. I do understand that his friends are on there though and they wait for him online everynight to do quests.

Exciting News: Kite Festival this weekend! :) I am quite excited, it was pretty fun last year although I have bad memories of walking from the lakeshore dorms to memorial union on the lake in over a foot of snow :p I think I learned my lesson though. Also this weekend is hockey! Only two more weekends. :(

Now if I can just get through tomorrow I know the weekend will rock.

<3

Current Mood: anxious
Current Music: Spacehog - In the Meantime

Hi, Everything's Great
Well, now that my journal is officially lookin cute and feelin cute maybe I'll be better and write in it more often.

Today seemed like the longest day ever after working in the lab for four hours and then having class. The lab did run a bit more smoothly then last week, but the same task kept crashing. I feel bad when it does because we don't get data for that participant but also because it's kind of a waste of their time too. But they seem to think it's normal that the program just goes away and suddenly the desktop is there. Maybe we should mention that in the debriefing statement..."If the task crashes it's not your fault so don't feel sad". :p

I don't want to get too psychological or religious, but I wonder what it would be like to get a debriefing statement at the end. Everyone's life is basically one big experiment, you try some stuff, you fail a lot (hey hey null hypothesis your accepted) and most importantly you learn. You learn that certain things are more important than others. You learn to let go and not take life so seriously..I'm pretty sure I'm still learning that one.

My debriefing statement:

Well, you've made it to the end. Congrats! The trials were long and tedious but the experiments you participated in will help others in their experiments. The experiments also had positive, resonating effects in your own life. Those evenings spent studying after never ending days of class helped you to get an education that aided you in your career. Those nights you spent crying over boys and then men made you a stronger person and also taught you to compromise. Those Monday's where you volunteered your time were truly appreciated by others and helped them get through their day a little bit easier. Even those endless hours that you spent talking to others over the internet helped to brighten the days of your friends. Those sacrifices you made for your family were also appreciated. And the tasks that you made mistakes on were still essential to the experiment because they helped you realize what needed to be changed in your life. And those frustrating tasks that you crashed every time you tried to run them correctly, well, not everything works out the way you wanted it to. The important thing is that your tasks helped others and helped you to live better. Thank you for your participation.

Current Mood: drained
Current Music: Limbeck (thanks Rachel)

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